Daggered hearts
by carebearsmiles
Summary: Sequel to 'There Has to be A Happy Ending'. After Clary witnesses a heartbreaking surprise, she faints leaving her unconscious for days. When the doctors finally wake her up, she is given life changing news and she has no idea what to do about it. Clace, Malec, Sizzy, and more. Rated M for depression and graphic scenes. CAUTION – MATURE CONTENT. Proceed with caution.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

 **MATURE CONTENT – proceed with caution.**

 **BASED ON A TRUE STORY**

 **DISCLAIMER – Cassie Clare owns TMI**

 **Third Person POV**

"It's okay to be a little shaky," Jocelyn says helping Clary sit up from her bed. "You've been sleeping for three days."

"How are you feeling?" Doctor Boss asks her.

"Undercaffeinated," Clary states holding back a yawn.

"That can be arranged," he says waiving his arm at an intern.

Two of the young looking interns left the room, closing the door behind them. "They call me Doctor Boss," he says extending a hand to Clary.

"You look too young to be in charge," she says smiling a bit. The doctor might have looked a little young but he was definitely an attractive doctor.

"No," he smiles back. "Dustin Bosin," he says glancing back to his chart. "Clarissa."

"Clary," she corrects him.

"Well, Clary," he motions to an intern behind him. "He is going to take some blood so I can do your tests. In the meantime, there is a lot of people here that want to see you. One at a time please." The intern left standing took two different vials of my blood and left rather quickly.

"You know, Jace has been here-," Jocelyn starts.

"I want to see Isabelle," Clary interrupts. Jocelyn gives her hand a final squeeze and leaves to get Isabelle. Just a minute later Izzy bursts through the door.

"I have missed you so much," she says bending down to give Clary a hug. Her hair is flawless but she's wearing no makeup for a change.

"When was the last time you went home?" Clary asks her trying to sit on the edge of her bed.

"You have been unconscious for a week, Clary," Izzy starts, "Jace is-."

"Nothing," Clary interrupts. Izzy just looks surprised.

"It wasn't his fault," she says seriously.

"And you believe that?" Clary asks rhetorically.

"Kaelie was trashed," Izzy explains. "She was only there for maybe five minutes and he pushed her away."

"I just can't see him right now," Clary says quietly.

"You're going to break his heart." Clary says laying back. She wanted to forgive him, she really did. That little voice in the back of her head told her not too, because it was a mistake all along. They might not belong together right now. "You're going to have to tell him yourself," she finishes.

"I don't want to lose you," she says letting her eyes swell up with tears. Just thinking about a life without them feels wrong. How is she going to break up with him if she has to look him in the eye?

"Oh, honey," Izzy says taking her hand. "You're not losing any single one of us." She waits for a response but Clary is staring at her fingers.

"We need the room," the doctor says barging in through the door.

"Whatever it is, Izzy can stay," Clary assures him.

"I don't take these matters lightly," he continues. Jocelyn comes in next and looks confused.

"What is it?" Jocelyn asks.

"You might want to take a seat," he says, "And you can't have that coffee," he says shutting the door on the intern that made her coffee.

"What?" Clary asks complaining.

"Your blood results showed an increase of a certain hormone," he starts. Jocelyn and Izzy both gasp. Jocelyn looks furious.

"Run it again, then," Jocelyn demands.

"It could be right though," Izzy confesses. Jocelyn is fuming now.

"We ran it three times," Doctor Boss says, "it came to me when you left those boxes here in case her cycle came this last week."

"Clarissa Adele Morgenstern," Jocelyn demands. Clary looks dumbfounded.

"I have no idea what you are talking about," she states.

"I think Jace should be in here instead of me," Izzy says getting up quickly. Clary tried to protest but Jocelyn's death look stopped her from talking.

Jace walks in the room slowly, looking at no one but Clary. As hard as she tries, her eyes keep coming back to him.

"I don't understand," Clary says again. This time, Doctor Boss is looking her directly in the eye.

You're pregnant, Clary," he says mistakenly clear. Jace about trips over himself and stares at the doctor like a zombie for a minute.

"I am WHAT?" Clary yells.

"Your blood came up positive when it was tested for a pregnancy," Doctor Boss continued. "The reason you fainted was because your body was malnourished at the time." Clary still looked confused. Jace still stood frozen. Jocelyn looked so worried. "You hadn't eaten enough that day, do you remember feeling abnormally hungry?"

"I remember eating a late lunch," she says looking down, and then it came to her. "And then I was hungry when I got to the Lightwood Manor. I had planned to eat there but then-."

"You ended up running off instead," the doctor finishes. He makes it sound like it was her fault.

"I didn't even know!" Clary argues. "It's been like, what, three weeks since that night now? It was too soon to know!"

"Jocelyn let out a breath. Jace still looks like a truck just rammed into him.

"That fits the timeline our consult had drawn up for you," Doctor Boss says giving Clary a binder. "Take her through _everything_ ," he says to Jocelyn who nods her head. "It needs to be her decision, and Jace's, of course." The door opens one more time and the intern with her coffee came back with a different cup. "As for your coffee," he hands her the cup. "I wouldn't recommend drinking it black. Frappuccino's can be a source of dairy for you, just not every day, and no more than one or two cups at a time. Caffeine isn't harmful until you drink too much of it." Clary nods and takes the cup.

Jocelyn takes the binder from Clary's lap and opens the front cover. The first page reads, _The Options of a Pregnancy_.

Clary reads the first page and screams, throwing her drink across the room. It hits the wall just a foot away from Jace and splatters every which direction. The look of hurt on Jace's face is definite, she instantly felt a twinge of guilt. He left the room in silence and Clary buried her face in her hands.

"I messed up so bad," she cried. Jocelyn put her hand to her back to try and soothe her.

 **Clary POV**

"Sweetheart, it will be ok," my mother says over and over again.

"We broke the boyfriend rules one time and," I get all choked up and it makes me angrier.

"Do you want me to go find you some lunch?" she offers and I desperately accept. She gives a smile before she leaves. I see her talking to Luke outside the door who takes her place next to me when she leaves.

"Your mom wants me to keep you company," he says pulling out my art bag. I take my bag and rip open the zipper, desperate to take out some of my confusion. "I thought that would help." I don't respond. I dump out every little pencil, pain, and utensil out of my kit, which is weird because I keep them so nicely kept. "Can I draw one too?" Luke asks.

"You want to paint with me?" I ask sounding as emotionless as I can.

"Oh god, no," he says laughing. I meet his gaze this time and I can't help a small smile. "I have no painting talent." I laugh this time, it's true. "I was hoping you would let me use your crayons and markers."

"Of course," I say passing him the two carriers for my crayons and markers. I also pass him a fresh page to color on and he takes it with a smile on his face. He leans back in the chair next to my bed and gets to work, and so do I.

At first, I am just making random slashes through the page and ruining a pencil while I do it. I sharpen the top to a fine point and keep going. I decide to start coloring in some of the weird shapes from all the lines and I realize that there might be a picture in there after all.

I drew a picture of a heart with a dagger lodged in it. I drew what I felt right now in my chest, my daggered heart.

 **There is Chapter 1. I hope you guys can stick with this because it really is a good story. REMINDER – 90 percent of all of this stuff really did happen so please keep an open mind about some of the decisions made, someone really did make them. Enjoy reading! Any questions feel free to ask them. xoxo**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

 **MATURE CONTENT – proceed with caution. I said before, that this story gets very real.**

 **BASED ON A TRUE STORY**

 **DISCLAIMER – Cassie Clare owns TMI**

 **Clary POV**

I wish I could say I woke up, but I never went to sleep. It felt like my heart was breaking all over again and I got sick every time I tried to think about being pregnant. I had sex one time and we used protection. I turn myself over on my pillow and wrap my blanket around me tighter. My mom insisted that someone stays with me every night until I get discharged. So, right now I am looking at a sleeping Simon next to me in the most uncomfortable chair in the world. He looks so peaceful, so much like the boy I have known my entire life. When did this become our lives? I can feel myself trying to cry again and I sniffle it back.

"You wanna talk about it?" Simon says barely opening his eyes to me. He looks exhausted.

"I am sorry, Si," I say hiding myself in the dark. "Go back to sleep."

"Please," he says standing up and pausing before he sits on my bed. "Like anyone can sleep in that chair." I try at a laugh but it feels wrong on my lips. I can tell that he noticed because he laid down next to me. "Doctor Boss said that you need to sleep so the two of you stay healthy. Oh. And Izzy went and got you the vitamins and other stuff for you," he says pointing to a bag under his chair. "Doc says to try not to miss a dose."

I sink myself further into my pillows and he puts a hand on my shoulder. "I can't sleep," I whimper.

"Do you want Jace?" he asks quickly.

"I don't want Jace," I say quickly. Simon doesn't say anything to me. "What am I supposed to say to him?"

"This is my fault too, Clary," we hear from the doorway. Simon gives my shoulder a small kiss before leaving us alone. "Sorry I saw you up still, you need to sleep."

"I am trying," I say louder than I intended too. I know it's typical hormones to cry when you're pregnant but that's not what it is right now.

"I'm sorry." His voice comes out shaky and weak. I hear his steps coming closer to me until they stop. He pulls back my blanket and tucks himself next to me. He rubs my back to try and soothe me but I can't hold my anger back anymore. I know my tears are running a trail to my pillow but I don't care. The last time I look up at the clock it says it is just after three am. I had spent over an hour crying myself to sleep tonight.

I was woken up by voices in my room four hours later. Everyone must have decided that this is a good place to hang out. "Don't you guys have school or something?" I ask bitterly. The room falls silent and I notice that there is someone missing, Jace.

"We got excused until you got discharged," Izzy informs me.

"Lovely," I say clearly faking my smile. I know that they are trying to help but is it too much to be alone right now?

"Good morning," Doctor Boss says knocking on my door. I don't acknowledge him but everyone else does. "You can leave today, but you need to come back in four days so I can make sure your levels are all still good. Those vitamins will help you and limit the chances of passing out again. Make sure you are eating a good diet for the baby. Don't forget to breathe," he jokes. I find myself appalled that he made room to joke in there.

I sit myself up and at least two people come to help me. I shake them off and I get stares from everyone. "I'm not a doll," I say rudely. I didn't mean for it to come out that bad but it did.

My mom is signing my papers and I make it to my feet. "Thanks, Doc," I say giving him the best fake smile I can manage. "See you in four days."

I hut the door behind me and I can hear them talking about me again before the latch even catches. Luke follows me out with a set of keys and wraps an arm around my shoulder. "I'll take you home," he says.

"Finally, someone with some sense," I say leaning into him. So far, he's the only one that hasn't tried to 'help' me.

I missed my bedroom so much. I still feel like a garbage truck so when I drop the contents from my hand on to my floor, I drop myself in my familiar bed. I can feel Luke dragging a blanket under me before leaving me, closing my door behind him.

I want so badly to fall asleep and wrap myself in darkness. I force my eyes to close and pull my blanket over my head. Instead of sleeping, my eyes are crying again. For having so many people here for me I feel more alone than I ever have before.

After the next thirty minutes passes, my phone buzzes for the first time since I fainted.

 **Can we talk about it?** It's from Jace. I type the message I really want to say to him, _I don't want to talk_. I decide against it and delete it. I think for a second and try again, _I want to get._ No. That can't be what I want. I try again, _I can't_. That's not an excuse, Clary, think harder. Try again, _I need you to_. NO. I throw my phone across the room and bury my face in my hands.

I remember listening in school and thinking it was a joke that they talked about abortions. I never took it seriously, like it was never a choice I believed in. And now I sit here, arguing with myself that it is an option for myself to consider. I don't want to be pregnant, but I don't want to get rid of it either. I stand up on my feet, and hold my balance for a second. I pick up my phone and I know what I need to say this time. I type it as quickly as I can before I lose my bravery, _YES_.

My stomach instantly churns and I feel the worst twisting in my stomach. Luke heard my frustration and came to check on me. "I feel sick," I say doubling over.

Luke picks up and before I know it I am leaning up against the bathtub in case I vomit. "Clary, are you okay?" he asks with so much pity in his voice. On a normal day I would scowl at the thought of being pitied but I can't manage the words right now. I nod my head instead. "I am going to call Jocelyn, I will be right outside." I waive a weak hand at him that I'll be okay for a minute.

I try to puke up whatever is making me nauseous with all the strength I have left. I remember my dad telling us, _you will feel better after it comes up_. After ten minutes I give up without anything leaving my stomach. I decide to go lay back down but Luke is standing right outside the door. "

"I was just going-," I try to tell him.

"Jace is here," he says instead. I pick my head up and stand tall. I wrap my blanket around myself and Luke puts a hand to my back. I nod to tell him that I'm ready and he guides me to the living room.

"Are you okay?" he asks meeting me in the doorway. "Clary, I'm so sorry. I had no idea. It wasn't-," he says too quick to be clearly understood.

"Your fault?" I ask looking right into his beautiful eyes. He looks so worn down and sad. I knew he was suffering right now but I can't take seeing him like this. It's so unlike him to look defeated. His eyes change again and I see right through to his bones. He chokes up and I take step back.

"I am going to the garage if you guys need me," Luke says leaving alone. I look as deep into his eyes as I can see. I might as well be looking right through him because I can't tell what his eyes are trying to tell me.

He looks so afraid. I didn't mean to hurt him I just said what I was thinking. I feel myself chocking up just standing here staring at him. He takes away the distance between us and wraps me into a hug. I let myself cry into him. He sits us on the longest couch against the wall and rubs my back. "What are we going to do?" I cry into his shirt.

"Clary, this is your decision," he cries into my hair. "I don't have an answer this time."

"You're Jace Herondale," I try to start controlling myself again. "You always have an answer." There was a long pause and I could tell he was thinking. "Honestly."

"I love you," he says between taking a deep breath. "But we're not ready for this."

I feel myself crying still. He picks his hand up. "What's wrong?" he asks eventually. I sit myself up and I hold my head high, letting my tangled hair and tear ruined face into the light.

"That's what you want to do?" I ask holding myself together for the minute.

"Haven't you thought about it?" he asks. He doesn't look me in the eye. I know he knows what we are talking about.

"Aborting?" I say even though it comes out a question. I blink my eyes closed and I stand up. "I need to be alone-," he tries to stop me. "NOW."

He turns his entire body away from me and before I know it, he's gone.

I'm surprised I still have tears left to shed after today. How else am I supposed to deal with everything going on?

"LUKE!" I hear from the front door. I close my eyes and ignore them, everything sounds like background noise anyways. I can hear come running back into the house and two different pairs of hands grab at me.

"Leave me alone," I cry but no one listens. I squeeze my eyes shut harder.

"Jace was here," Luke says quietly, but not quiet enough, "they were just talking twenty minutes ago."

"SHE HAS BEEN LAYING ON THAT FLOOR FOR TWENTY MINUTES?" I hear Izzy screaming this time. "WHERE IS HE? WHERE IS JOCELYN?"

"She's on her way," I can hear Luke trying to calm her down. The rest of the conversation comes in a blur as I push myself to sleep. The last thing I hear is Izzy, "I'm staying with her -."

 **Third Person POV**

"Shit," Izzy says reaching for a falling Clary. Luke is next to her in a second.

"I was making her something to eat," he says, his brain scrambling. "She forgot to eat this morning after we left the hospital."

Izzy runs so fast, faster than if her own life depended on it. In her eyes, her future niece or nephew depended on her right now. She knew Clary wasn't feeling the best but she has never seen her this out of it before. She runs straight into Clary's room where her hospital bag is. She remembered that the doctor had send them home with something in case anything like this happened again.

Just in case, she dialed 911 on her phone and ran back into the living room.

"My friend," Izzy says out of breath. "She passed out again, we just found out she was pregnant-."

"Is she breathing?" The lady on the other end of the phone demands. "It's really important you need to look. I have sent an ambo to you just in case so they can check her vitals to be safe."

Izzy puts a hand to Clary's chest. "She's breathing but really fast."

"That's ok," the operator said.

"She forgot to eat again this morning, we just brought her home from the hospital," Izzy explains.

"The boys will be there in a second, can you relay all of that information to them?"

"Yeah," Izzy says calming down with the doorbell rings. Luke answers the door as fast as he can move and in the matter of seconds they are surrounding Clary.

"Give us a second please," the first EMT says putting two fingers to her throat. The next five minutes go by in a blur to them. Jocelyn had just arrived asking a million questions and Luke had to catch her up.

The second the EMTs have her awake Izzy and Jocelyn are almost on top of her. "Your blood pressure got really high, miss," they inform us. "Have you been taking vitamins?"

"We just found out yesterday," Jocelyn tells them. They give Clary a protein bar and she takes it without argument.

"Those could really help," they say shaking hands with Luke and Jocelyn.

Izzy decides to go and get the bottle of vitamins she had gotten for her and hands them the bottle. "These are okay?" She bought her the 'One a Day Prenatal Vitamins' because the lady at the counter had recommended them.

"Perfect," one of them said taking a pill out of the bottle and handing it to Clary. She takes it was an unstable hand and takes the pill. "These help people in ways that sometimes medication can't."

"It will help supply everything your body needs to grow a baby," the other answers. "That could make a big difference in your case." Luke and Jocelyn are nodding to the information from the EMTs, while Izzy is taking notes on her phone.

"Does high risk pregnancy run in the family?" they ask Jocelyn who nods her head 'no' in response. "You should consider making a plan for meals then, too. Making sure you get enough dairy, protein, and stuff every day." They all nod at once.

 **Clary POV**

Izzy is next to me in my bed, for all of eternity when I asked her for how long. I know she stayed up until I was asleep but I just woke up again two hours later. I check my phone and see two missed messages.

 **Izzy told me something happened. No one will tell me anything.** It's from Jace. I click on the other message. **I just need to know you're okay.** Also from Jace.

I send back, **just fine**. My phone buzzes again in what feels like a second.

 **You're not fine, it's all my fault** , I read from him.

 **I needed you to be there for me** , I send back. He doesn't respond this time. I know he was only trying telling me what I already thought about myself but I don't feel that way. I won't let myself. This is something I didn't ask for, but it happened. Maybe we're not ready for a baby, but one is coming. I never blamed anyone else in the world for making the choice to abort, in fact, there are a lot of valid reasons to choose abortion. Like rape, like being on drugs, like knowing your own limits, whatever the reason, I have never judged them. "Their body, their choice."

I also know Jace has his own reasons for being scared, look at his parents. They were irresponsible, not much regard for responsibility. They never taught him to love unconditionally, to pursue happiness like it's a god given right, to respect people the way you want to be respected. Not that Jace didn't turn out good, because he is most definitely the best guy I have ever known besides Simon, my father, and Luke. I just understand, and I can't blame him for it either.

And here I am right now, judging myself for considering it for only a second. I put a hand to my belly and try to tell myself it will be okay. Maybe I am just cowardly because I can't bring myself to abort. Maybe I am being selfish because I don't want to abort. I might not be sure of anything right now, but I am sure that this is going to happen.

 **AGAIN, this is all based on a true story. I am not trying to force my own opinions on anyone. I am only trying to spread awareness. It gets very serious so keep an open mind. There will be a happy ending, just not soon, sorry. Thank you so much for the feedback! Don't forget to review, questions are always welcome. If anyone has seen someone close to them go through anything similar it would be awesome to hear about it too! xoxo**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

 **MATURE CONTENT – proceed with caution. I said before, that this story gets very serious.**

 **BASED ON A TRUE STORY**

 **DISCLAIMER – Cassie Clare owns TMI**

 **Jace POV**

The second I left after talking to Clary, it felt wrong to me. I can't honestly think that terminating would be the best thing for us. Except for I know that we're not ready.

The second I walk through the front door of the Lightwood Manor I go straight to the training room. It's been a long time since I have spent time here. I usually just use the work out room at the school because all the girls like to stop and stare.

I hear Alec trying to say something but I'm not paying attention. I push myself up all of the stairs and find myself needing a release.

The arrangement of daggers, swords, dummies, punching bags, arrows, anything I could think of are lining the back wall. I pick out a fair assortment of each and against the furthest wall. One at a time, I throw four daggers, three throwing stars, two spears, one sword, a long knife that probably belongs in the kitchen, and six more weapons I didn't even pay attention to.

"You were always the best at that," Alec says standing in the doorway looking angry at me. I send an equal glare back to him but he takes it as encouragement. "You only come up here when you need to hit something." He plants his feet just a few feet in front of me and points down the floor. We are standing on the padded floor meant for hand to hand combat. "So, try me." I search his eyes for any uncertainty but he raises his fists instead.

"You're serious?" I spat at him. I step forward to put his hand down and he twists mine instead. He kicks away my balance and I hit the floor hard. "Fine." I say irritated now too.

"Izzy already called," Alec says adjusting his stance again. "She fainted again." I fixed my stance too but got distracted by Alec telling me what happened after I left her. He takes advantage of my frozen mind and I hit the floor hard for a second time. I force air back into my lungs and realize my entire body is hurting. "You left her there, Jace!" Alec is yelling at me so loud I wouldn't be surprised if the entire house heard him.

"She told me too," I try and say but it comes out muffled. I stand again and this time I try and be ready. I shoot for his gut with my fist and he dodges before I finish extending my arm entirely out.

"Out of all the stupid," he gets a shot in to my gut instead. "Miserable," and a sweep to my feet, "idiotic life choices you have ever made," and I hit the floor with an even greater force this time. I stare up to Alec who is standing over me and he helps me up. "This is the one you will regret," he finishes finally.

I feel myself sink back to my feet and he leaves me. I guess I deserve it, too. When the door slams shut again I try and pick myself up but my body refuses to move right now. I give in and lay there, flat on my back, staring at the ceiling.

 **Clary POV**

"HE did WHAT?" Izzy is yelling on the phone. I was already awake but I didn't want her to know that. I pick my head up when she starts yelling at her phone. She is standing by my dresser puling clothes out, which she throws at me. "Alexander Gideon Lightwood!" she screams and then slams her phone closed.

"Izzy?" I ask trying to get out of bed. "What's wrong?"

"Alec just beat the crap out Jace," Izzy starts pointing to clothes she threw at me. "Get dressed, I have to check on him now and you are not leaving my sight." I roll my eyes and pull a sweater over my head.

"I thought Jace could defend himself?" I ask her. She's almost pulling me out the front door. She opens the door for me and I can tell that she's angry.

"He can," Izzy says frustrated. I can tell that she's angry and I don't want to make it worse. I sit quietly and try and relax.

Izzy slams through the front door of her house and runs straight for the stairs. "Johnathon Christopher!" she is screaming. I try and stop my mind from wondering by sitting on the couch.

"How have you been feeling?" I hear from behind me. I look up to see Maryse who looks just as she always does. She really is beautiful, Izzy looks just like her.

"Yeah, I guess," I say quietly. She sits on the couch across from me and hands me a porcelain coffee cup.

"It's just a cappuccino," she says smiling. "One won't hurt you darling." I thank her gratefully for one of my favorite drinks and I pull the familiar smell under my nose. We hear Izzy yelling again, this time at Alec. "I am guessing you talked to Jace," she asks. I put my head down and force a _yes_ out my mouth. "And it didn't go so well?"

I remember looking into his eyes and hearing him tell me what he wanted. "He thinks we should abort," I say. I feel my eyes watering again and I try and hide them with taking in a sip of my drink. Maryse gives me a look full of pity and I try to ignore it.

"But you don't want that," she says dripping her words with sympathy.

"He's not just some fling, I really love him," I try and justify but she stops me.

"Sweetheart, I have watched the two of you grow up for as long as you have been here. He has been in love with you for years, and I was so happy about it." I feel a smile creep up on me but it fades away, they always fade away. "I don't think he was entirely truthful with you, either. I was pregnant once too, it took Robert almost a month to fully come around. I think," she pauses when we hear shattering glass come from the floor above us. "I think, we will let Izzy beat them up this time, maybe she can talk some sense into him today. And maybe he can come around too."

"Thank you," I say honestly. "I needed to hear that."

"Trust me, nothing will be happening of any sort to abort, there is simply just too much love for the both of you," she says before finishing the contents of her own cup. "I think Jocelyn would agree."

I feel like she's right. My mom is giving me a little space right now because I haven't been in a good mood for the last few days but she wouldn't want me to have to give this up. I know she was really young when she had me, Maryse too when she had Alec.

"I know I don't want to give it up," I say, "but I don't think it's fair to J-."

"Clary," Izzy says from behind me. It looks like she scared Maryse too because she almost dropped her empty cup. "Someone has something to say to you."

I turn around and see Isabelle holding both Jace and Alec by the ears, one on each side of her. I can't help but smile at the sight of them being pushed around by her but Maryse laughs without regard.

"Ouch Iz," Alec says trying to pry her hand off from his ear. She doesn't even budge.

"You're next, Alexander," she says through her gritted teeth. She twists on Jace who looks like he was lost in thought and he snaps back to reality.

"I'm sorry," he says looking like he means it. His eyes look like he's in pain but I can't help but feel like it was all my fault. "Izzy wants me to tell you that I am stupid-." He is interrupted by Izzy twisting his ear again. "I was being stupid, I mean," this time she looks pleased. Oh, Izzy. "I was being stupid, I am sorry, and I didn't mean it." She lets go from him when he's finished and he steps aside to rub feeling back into it.

"Alec," Izzy demands.

"Jace," he starts through gritted teeth of his own. "I am sorry for beating you up after I found out how stupid you were being-," Izzy begins twisting his ear this time. "After hearing what happened, I mean," he looks furious and Izzy smiles wide looking pleased. "And next time I will try talking before hitting you." Izzy releases.

"Was that so hard?" Alec scowls at her and I realize just how much Alec really does care about everyone. He doesn't usually say much but I can be grateful that at least someone tried to hit him, better Alec now than Johnathon later. At least Alec is one of very few people who could stand a chance in successfully overpowering Jace. "Big happy family again," I hear her finishing her speech and I just look down at my almost empty glass and decide to finish it.

"I'm meeting up with Magnus," Alec says to Maryse. She waives him off and he starts for the front door.

"Can I entrust the two of you to kiss and make up by the time I return from me bedroom?" She asks Jace and I. "I need to pack some more things for the next few days I will be babysitting Clary," she says to her mom this time. Maryse waives her off too and she sprints up the stairs not wasting any time. Jace is staring at me but I try and avoid his gaze. I don't want him to feel like I am forcing him to accept this.

"You heard her, son," Maryse says this time. "Kiss and make up, your sister can pack a bag in five seconds flat." She takes our glasses into the kitchen, probably to put them in the dishwasher.

"I really am sorry, Clary," he says. His voice is so full of emotion I don't even recognize it. I try and speak next but he doesn't let me. "When I said I wasn't ready, I didn't mean that I didn't want this with you. I just meant that, even though we may have a lot to learn, I want to learn them with you."

"Spoken just like Izzy," I say standing up to meet him.

"I didn't know how to find the right words, she might have helped me," he admits. "I only brought up terminating because I thought it was what you wanted, you were so angry-."

"I am working on that," I say getting my own words in. "I will be better when it sinks in." I let him pull me in for a hug and he kisses my forehead. It wasn't exactly what I wanted, I was hoping for one on my lips, but I guess progress was still made. "Why does Izzy think she needs to babysit me?"

"I would babysit you myself," he says smiling, "if I could. But that would be breaking The Boys Rules. Wouldn't want to do that one again," he jokes. I smile again and find myself sinking into his arms.

"I think that ship has sailed," I joke back. "You should come over with us, for a while. Maybe give Izzy some time to go see Simon."

"Simon?" Jace asks.

"They have been getting really close, I think," I say making Jace look really impressed.

"I admire a dude that can manage to fall for Izzy," he says shrugging.

"I heard that," Izzy says marching down the stairs. Man, she was fast. "And, FYI, he is good to me, Jace. I thought I could take a break from guys like you for a while, maybe indefinitely." Jace tries to argue with her. "Yeah, yeah, you've changed. It's my job to ensure that you don't try to go back to your old ways."

I was expecting a snarky remark, maybe an argument. All he says is, "thank you."

"Well, we need to get going," Izzy says pulling her bag up to her shoulders. "Mom is letting me stay with you for the next couple days until you get cleared to go back to school."

When we get back home, my mom and Luke have already started cooking dinner. I am greeted by a hug from my mother who brushes some hair out of my face. She shoots a glare at Jace who looks instantly ashamed. "Nice to see the two of you getting on the same page," Luke says giving Jace a pat on the back.

Izzy goes to put her things in my room. "I am proud of you guys too," my mom says giving Jace a hug next. "Are you staying tonight too?" Jace looks to me for an answer and I am honestly dumbfounded that my mom would offer.

"We thought because of the rules-."

"Well those were kind of only to prevent this sort of thing. Jace is welcome here as long as he tells Maryse, and she is okay with it."

"Why don't you go call her," I offer to him. He gives me a kiss on the forehead again and steps into the living room to make the phone call. It would be nice being able to spend a night with Jace again. My mom may not know, but those nights I have already spent with him were the best ones I have ever had. "And maybe Simon too?"

"Why not?" she gives in. "I would feel better anyways with another pair of eyes on you two," she winks to me and I roll my eyes. Luke goes to manage a pot sizzling on the stove and she leans into me. "I have so much that I need to share with you, when you're ready to hear them."

"I am," I say smiling this time. She returns my smile and with one more push of my crazy fly away hair strands, she joins Luke.

Watching them sometimes feels like the most natural thing in the world. Of course, I will always wonder what my life would be like if my real dad was still alive, but at the same time, what would my life be like if we didn't have Luke with us?

"Are you okay?" Jace asks wrapping his arms around me. I take in the closeness of him and realize how long it has been since I have enjoyed a moment to myself. A moment not being overrun by my thoughts or crying myself to sleep, just a moment.

He puts a hand to the bottom of my stomach and kisses my neck. "I love you," he says. I lay a hand of my own over his and I feel myself happy. Actually, honestly, unconditionally, happy for the first time since I woke up.

"I love you too."

 **Sorry it took so long, this was kind of a hard chapter. I have the next one almost edited also, so you won't have to wait that long! I ended it here because it was a happy moment, so you guys can enjoy that while it lasts. I need some reviews, also. You guys should give me some feedback as to how fast or slow you want this story to run. I can jump around to the main points if you like, or we can keep it slow also, let me know! It might speed up a little bit regardless but I would to know what you guys want! xoxo**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

 **MATURE CONTENT – proceed with caution. I said before, that this story gets very serious.**

 **BASED ON A TRUE STORY**

 **DISCLAIMER – Cassie Clare owns TMI**

 **Clary POV**

"Is Jace coming?" My mom asks me. It is the day that I am supposed to go and see Dr. Boss at his clinic office. I guess we are supposed to talk about what we want to do going forward and what the next steps are. My mind has been going crazy all morning so Maryse called Jace out school so he can come with us.

"Where have you been lately?" I ask Johnathon who has just come downstairs from sleeping. He grunts and takes the chair next to me at the table.

"Football camp, with little kids," he says miserably. "The team decided to let Jace off the hook for it so he can deal with _other things_."

"Did you tell them?" I ask him. I didn't even think of everyone else in the school finding out what had happened. I feel like I could be sick.

"Relax, Clare," he says patting my shoulder. "Everyone was worried about you when you were unconscious, Izzy had the story going on twitter to keep everyone updated." Of course, she did. "She didn't tell anyone why, at first. One of the teachers figured it out and came to see you at the hospital, told the doctor to test for it. We were happy she did, or we might not have found out."

"Which teacher?" I ask. I kind of feel like that was no one else's business but I guess what's done is done.

"Penhollow," Johnathon answers me. I wonder how she figured it out. I don't even pay attention in her class and she knows it, I always just spend the time writing in my notebook and she pretends not to care. Although, I did pass her last exam, when a lot of other people didn't. "The point is," he continues this time with a warm smile on his face. "The entire school eventually found out, and no one thinks that your anything horrible. I had a couple of football guys beat up that Sebastian though, he tried starting a rumor, we took care of it. Since then though, people have just been asking if you are alright."

"I guess it can be comforting knowing I won't be a laughing stock," I mumble to him.

"Not my sister," he winks at me. "I need to go, tell me how it goes." He rushes out the door and my mom takes my breakfast plate. She has been making me a 'balanced healthy breakfast' every morning since I fainted the second time. She allows me my one cup of cappuccino in the mornings with my food, and no more than one. And. She adds more milk to it than usual.

"I will call him really quick," I say answering the question my mom asked me in the first place. He picks up on the second ring.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah," I say, "are you still coming?"

"Yes. I am almost to your house. Alec needed my help before I left."

"Okay," I say hanging up the phone. "He's almost here," I forward to my mom. She nods and places the dishes in the dishwasher so they can get clean while we are gone. Jace is here before we finish in the kitchen.

"Good morning, Jocelyn," he says flashing her a smile. After we found out we were expecting, she asked him to call her by her first name. She said, _we are family now, it is only appropriate._ I give him a peck to his cheek and he gives me a hand to help me up.

I moan when I stand up and realize my back is really sore. "Sorry," I say trying to excuse myself. "Can I have some Advil?" I ask my mom.

"Nope," she says laughing. I didn't know it was funny.

"My back is killing me today," I try to persuade her. She reaches into our drawer full of medicine and pulls out Tylenol Tablets. I roll my eyes.

"Tylenol is what you take now, and no more than one at a time," she smiles as she hands me the white oval tablet. She hands me my morning vitamin also from the same drawer. I take them with the rest of my cappuccino from breakfast. "You are pregnant now, sweetheart, you have to be careful with what you take."

"Right, I should've thought of that," I say mentally face palming myself.

"It just takes getting used to," Jace says quietly to me. I nod my head and he leads me to the front door. My mom follows me with her car keys.

"How have you been, Clary," Dr. Boss asks me. He holds a clipboard on his lap making notes and writing numbers down on a sheet. My mom and Jace are looking up at me with wide eyes, awaiting my answer.

"Perfect," I say. I know it might not be entirely true, but I don't want them to be disappointed in me. "My back was just a little sore this morning."

"Ah, that's good, perfect actually," he explains. "Your current chart says that you are about 5 weeks into your pregnancy right now. This is usually when your period would come again, and it is common to get cramps and other period symptoms like moodiness, cravings, nausea, things the like. This is usually the point where a female would out she is pregnant, but we managed to know sooner so it is just your body's way of adjusting." He scribbles on his paper for a second. "You have been eating well?"

"Against my will," I mumble. The doctor laughs.

"I know it sucks," he starts again. "You can still have pizza, chips, whatever, you just need to make sure you get enough of everything else too." I glare at my mom who didn't let me have any pizza over the weekend.

Jace smirks at her, with an _I told you so_ grin. She rolls her eyes this time.

"We are going to do the ultrasound today, and you guys can get the first look at the fetus," he explains. "I am going to have my assistant, Doctor B," he shouts towards the door. A pretty brunette wearing scrubs comes in next. "She is doing the ultrasound with you today, I will be observing the pictures from the office. If there is anything you guys need to know, I will see you when you're done." He nods before leaving.

"Follow me, please," she says holding the door open for us. "We are going to the second door on the left."

The room has a large screen mounted on the wall with a laid-back chair next to it. The machine to run the ultrasound sits close to the chair. The lights are dimmed to a low light.

Jace looks a lot more uncomfortable than I do but he smiles at me anyways. My mom and Jace sit in the chairs behind the tv and the doctor helps me up to the chair.

"So, you need to change into this," she says handing me a robe that ties in the front. "I will be back in a second." She nods.

I change out of my clothes behind the curtain and sit back on the chair when I am done.

She comes back in with a tray of stuff and takes the chair at the foot of the chair. "The way this works, this early in your pregnancy, is this little wand basically going inside your uterus." Jace lets out a giggle from behind me and my mom smacks his chest. I roll my eyes and Doctor B laughs a little with him. "Just try to relax, you might feel a little sore."

I focus on the picture on the screen and wait for her to find the 'fetus' as they call it right now, growing inside me. When a little alien looking figure shows up on the screen, the doctor smiles and tells us that she found it.

I look at Jace for a second and he is smiling with my mom. I didn't expect them to be so in synch right now but it is a good thing I guess. She clicks the button to take screen shots so Doctor Boss can see them from the office. "I didn't know Doctor Boss was an OB," my mom says.

"He is just a Physician," she says back. "I am the OB. He is the head here at this clinic, so really we work for him, but we all have our own patients."

"That sounds nice," my mom says.

"Why do they call you Doctor B?" I ask trying to defeat some of the awkwardness from the situation.

"My name is Beskevisous, so they say B instead," she answers.

"That makes sense," I say shrugging. I wonder for a moment where that name could possibly come from around the world before my thoughts are interrupted.

"That is all," she says putting her instruments back where they belong, and taking off any plastic covers to throw away. "You can change again, Boss will be back with your printouts, congratulations," she says happily.

I change back into my normal clothes and wrap myself back into my sweater I have over my shoulders. The doctor came back with the happy news of nothing seeming out of the ordinary and stating that he consulted with Doctor B and they are both in agreeance. He offers to show us out and my mom accepts.

"I can see why he leaves the room, now," Jace says getting my car door for me.

"I can get my own door still, you know," I say sliding in. He slides in next to me and gets the door behind him.

"But I look so much better getting it for you," he says taking my hand in his. My mom starts the engine and he kisses my knuckles, leaving my cheeks a little red when he pulls away from them. I lean up against him and he holds me the entire way home.

Jace had to go back to school for the rest of the day, and he still had football practice to go to after school because he missed the camp.

Everyone was so happy to see the pictures of the alien looking fetus we brought home from the clinic. My mom had Maryse and Robert over too, since Robert was home for a little while. After lecturing Jace, Alec, and Izzy in the living room, and threatening his certain manhood parts, he came around to be just as happy as Maryse.

My mom agreed to let me stay with Izzy tonight because she had to go back to work late tonight. Luke had to go with Robert for business also so Johnathon and I are to stay with the Lightwoods until they get back. They thought it would be better if someone was watching over me, in case something happened.

It makes me angry that it seemed like no one trusted me anymore to take care of myself. Not that I don't like the help, but I have never needed it before.

"Clary," I am interrupted by my mom.

"Yeah," I say loudly since she snapped me out of my thoughts.

"You are okay with staying with the Lightwoods for a little bit?" I am sure she is repeating herself. I cross my arms in front of me to snuggle up into my sweater and I nod my head.

I get a few looks from the people around me, most of them shrug it off. Jace draws circles on my back and tries mumbling something to me but I sit myself up straighter to slide his hand off of me.

 _I can take care of myself._

 _I can do this._

 _I don't want their pity._

I am pretty sure I can tell myself over and over again until it appears on my forehead. But will they ever see me as capable? I can read the judgements on everyone's faces when they look at me like that.

Like I'm not entirely stable.

Like I'm not taking care of myself.

Like I won't take care of my baby.

Like I need them.

Can't I be lost in my own thoughts, and not be depressed or crazy? Even I don't know the answer to that anymore.

At some point, I must have zoned out, I was set up in the spare bedroom that runs right off of Izzy's room. I am laying on the full size, pillow-topped, insanely soft bed like my life depends on it. The ceiling has that cute swirly finish to it that I always thought looked funny. My eyes trace around the different shapes and eventually I point my finger to angle with my eyes so I can trace them with my fingers too. I follow them like I would trace them on a canvas, simply beautiful.

Speaking of beautiful, is it too much to ask to have a little beauty right now? I always felt like I got the short end (literally, I am 5 feet 1 ¾ inches tall precisely) of the ugly stick my entire life. Being an artist gave me an eye for a different eye for beauty that I didn't see in the mirror. It gives me a silver lining to a world that can be so much uglier.

My hand reaches to the base of my stomach and for the first time, I close my eyes, and I imagine my life being beautiful.

A beautiful baby bump, maybe even stretch marks. I see myself happy with my body knowing that I created something so powerful – so precious.

I beautiful baby, no matter boy or girl. Of course, I want a girl, but I would be happy with whatever god gives me.

A beautiful family, one with Jace, kids, and being happy.

This is the kind of beauty that can't be painted, and it's the beauty the world deserves the most.

 **Good** **evening loves, I procrastinated this because the weather has been amazing here in Nebraska for it being October, I even got to wear shorts today for my class this evening.** **So obviously right now, she isn't feeling like herself, and the situation is taking a toll on her mentally. But I wanted you all to know, there will be a point to it all so I have to write it in.** **I didn't intend for this chapter here but I love ending them on a happy ending, I just hate cliff hangers. I will edit and update the next chapter tomorrow if we get a few more reviews in! I want to know what you guys are thinking! Happy reading! Halloween Count down: 11 days, 2 and a half hours!**

 **xoxo**


	5. Chapter 5

**Good afternoon,**

 **I have realized how long it has been since I last updated and had some recent motivation to keep telling this story.**

 **Without further ado, I give you chapter 5.**

 **DISCLAIMER - The Mortal Instruments characters belong to Cassie Clare**

 **Chapter 5**

For the first time in days, I sleep like a baby. We've been with the Lightwoods for a few weeks now and I can honestly say it's not as bad as I thought. Izzy demands I get up in the mornings so she can dress me, we all go to school, Jace carries my books, we come home at the end of the day, and I mostly lay down.

I know that people are trying to help which is why I feel terrible about what I am about to tell you. _I don't want the help, I want my life back, I don't want people to look at me differently, I can go on forevor._ I want them to love me and support me, not make me into a porcelain doll.

This very moment, I am packing an overnight bag at 7:00 in the morning. I haven't told Jace yet, but I am staying with Maia for the next 24 hours. After everything that's been going on, I just need to feel like a human being for a little while.

My phone buzzes in my pocket.

 **Out front, Maia**

I sent her an "okay" for a reply and zip up my backpack. I chose to leave my art supplies in the bedroom because I didn't want any chance of them being ruined.

I pull on some yoga pants and a sweater because my jeans are having troubles getting over my hips now.

I barely make it out of the bedroom door before I am greeted by Jace.

"Good morning, beautiful," he says leaning in to kiss me. He sees my bag around my shoulders and runs a hand through his hair. "Going somewhere?"

"Maia is here, we're gonna have a girls day," I answered. I plastered an excited smile on my face and hoped that he wouldn't see through it.

"By all means, have fun," he answeres. I look into his eyes for a moment and I see nothing but love in his eyes. "Keep your phone on you though, so you can call if you need anything. Okay?"

I show him that my phone is in my pocket and give him a kiss goodbye. With an appreciative moan from Jace, I leave the Lightwood Manor and breath in the beautiful fresh air.

 _Can I even believe this is happening to me right now? I just wish my dad was here to tell me sweet nothings and be frustrated with me. No one understands what it's like to know that your entire life is changing before your eyes, and there's nothing you can do to change it._

 _I want my baby, I really do. I'm just not ready for this._

 _I think about that weekend all the time, the night that I got pregnant. I spent the entire weekend with Jace, he was absolutely wonderful. I used to only dream about the things that he did to me that night. And here I am, with the biggest consequence of all, the desolation of my own body._

 _I know what your going to say, that it's a beautiful thing, that I'm not fat I'm growing a human. But really, my self esteem is in the dump - and I can't change it._

"Clare?" Maia asks when she puts the car in drive. I look at her with mock innocence and raise an eyebrow. "You okay?"

"Never better," I lie. She probably doesn't believe me but she'll never call me on it. That's why I love this girl so much.

So now we're off to spend the day doingstupid teenager things because of my stupid teenager pregnancy getting to me. Maybe I just want one more chance to feel normal.

So I do what I do best, I stick a smile on my face and suck it up.

 **Jace POV**

Ringing the doorbell for my best friend's house was the most awkward part of this shit show I call my life right now. Jonathon answered the door and I could tell by the breath he let out that he wasn't expecting me.

"I know you're supposed to be coming back over tonight after football," as soon as I started he let his arms fall to his sides. "But maybe we can talk here instead?" Johnathon nodded his head and pushed the door further open. I followed him into the living room where a pile of junk food and empty pizza boxes sat.

"I want to take this year off of football," I said before I could think it through. His face was so blank, he thinks I'm joking. "With Clary, this baby due, I don't think I can hold the commitment anymore." He narrowed his eyes at me. "Let me be clear. I want Clary and this baby to be my only commitment right now. Just until everything is settled."

He gives his thinking face but waits a couple minutes before saying anything.

"Welcome to the family, man."

 **Yup, short chapter. But I wanted this out today for everyone, and this is where I am stopping tonight. Enjoy xoxo**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

 **MATURE CONTENT – proceed with caution. I said before, that this story gets very serious.**

 **BASED ON A TRUE STORY**

 **DISCLAIMER – Cassie Clare owns TMI**

 **Clary POV**

 **Four months pregnant**

The feeling of watching my stomach grow makes me uncomfortable to the max. People can say over and over "you're growing a baby, you're not fat," but it doesn't change what I think of myself.

 _I can literally feel my insides squishing against each other to make room for a baby._

I roll my eyes as I look at my own reflection in the mirror. I have a baby bump now that can't be mistaken. I let my hands fall to the bottom of my belly and one under my boobs. I am up 20 pounds by now, the doctors say that that's normal because of how small I was before I got pregnant.

I put my hair in a pony tail and take a deep breath. I recite the words over again that I have come to say every day:

 _I got this._

 _I can do this._

 _This is happening._

 _I got this._

 **Five months pregnant**

"How are you feeling?" Doctor B asked. I am currently sitting on the bed next to two monitors and an ultrasound machine. Jace is sitting next to me looking just as beautiful and confident as ever. I wouldn't even know how nervous he was if it wasn't for how tight he's squeezing my hand right now.

"I haven't had any more dizzy spells or anything," I said and she wrote it down on her clipboard. "I've taken the vitamin every single day," I listed and she wrote that down too. "I've been keeping myself to a minimum, just like you asked, and drinking a bunch of water."

"Perfect," she said laying down the papers and folding her hands together excitedly. "Are you ready to find out the gender of your baby?"

"Yes," Jace said a little too eagerly. I looked at him and he shrugged his shoulders. "I bet Alec twenty bucks, no biggy." I couldn't help but laugh.

I laid back lifted my shirt above my growing belly. Soon enough I had sticky goop all over my belly and the ultrasound wand looking for my baby.

"This right here is the heart beating," she said taking various pictures of our baby. "This is his left hand…. And his right over here, I count all ten fingers. Here's his feet…. And all ten toes there." She kept taking pictures but I could tell Jace was enjoying every minute of it. "I'll just take a couple of face pictures," she said shifting the wand. "And here is a penis," she said excitedly. "It's a boy."

"A boy," Jace repeated, sounding a little shocked. "I secretly hoped it was a boy."

"Typical," I joked and he gave me a wide smile.

"Do we have a name picked out yet?" she asked. "For his charts?"

"Dalton James," Jace answered. We had agreed on two names over a month ago because Izzy kept badgering us to pick.

"Herondale," I finished. "He should take your last name."

Jace looked like he was going to cry before he muffled a cough and stood up straighter, smiling like a kid with a brand-new lollypop.

"Okay, Jace," she said standing up. "I just need to finish here with Clary, but I'll need you to wait outside for her."

"Everything's okay?" He asked protectively.

"We just need to fill out a questionnaire," she answered holding up a new paper. "You can't help her because you're not married."

"Okay," he said giving my kiss a hand before dropping it to my side. She waited for the door to shut before handing me the paper.

"This is a paper about depression," I said stupidly.

"It's mandatory that we have all of our patients fill this out at five months and after the baby is born. It is strictly confidential and there are no wrong answers. Do you want me to walk you through it?"

"Yes, please," I said looking at the angry looking paper. I handed the paper back to her and she landed back in her chair.

"Be honest now, it's important for you and your baby's health." I nodded. "Number one. How have you been sleeping, on a scale of one to ten, ten being the best?"

"Six," I answered honestly.

"Is there something keeping you awake?" she asked again.

"Just stressed I guess," I answered honestly again hesitantly.

"Don't worry," she said smiling up at me. "I would be shocked if you weren't stressed. It's perfectly normal."

I let out a long breath that I didn't know I was holding in. I guess it makes me feel better knowing that it's not just me.

"The next few are going to be true or false. I have been excessively self-conscious of my body in the last few months."

"Yes."

"I have been stressed more than normal."

"Yes."

"I feel like I can't talk to my partner about what stresses me out?"

"Sometimes."

"I feel like I am not ready."

"Yes."

"I have support from other role models in my life."

"Yes."

"I feel no need to have sex?"

"True."

"I have had suicidal thoughts or actions."

"No."

"Okay, Clary," she said putting the pen down. "Would you mind talking to me about what stresses you out right now?"

"It's just the consequences that come with having a baby while still in highschool I guess," I answer.

"I understand." She takes one more glace to the paper. "Why don't you feel like you can talk to Jace? He loves you and this baby, I can see that, but you don't want to put sex back on the table in your relationship. While it is a personal choice, its not a common one to make. I was just wondering why?"

"I guess I just don't feel like myself one hundred percent still," I said staring at the ground. "We weren't really together that long before this happened, I just don't want him to think that I was using him or something."

"I thought you guys said that you have known each other for years?"

"We have," I clarified. "But it's happened to him before, last year. And I'm not as pretty as those girls."

"Oh," she said.

"Well that's all I have for you right now," she said stacking all of the papers together. I am going to clear you with a negative test for depression, but if you feel like you're not yourself and like you don't want to get out bed or anything excessive or abnormal, give me a call please. It's really common and there's nothing to be ashamed of."

"Thank you," I said smiling back at her as best I could.

"Jace will have the ultrasound photos by now, see you next time," she said waiving goodbye.

 _I got this._

 _I can do this._

 _This is happening._

 _I got this._

 **We are starting to get somewhere with this pregnancy. I had to take a little break so I could get some details from the woman who is inspiring this story. Sorry for the wait but it should be worth the wait soon enough. Enjoy this chapter because I didn't have anything for Look Me In The Eyes right now but that story should be updated soon enough as well. Alright my beautiful people, happy reading.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

 **I know y'all probably thought this story would never get updated but it took me a while for the motivation to come for this story. I love it, but it's important for me to get all of the information right. Anyways, if you haven't, every story has been updated this week so go check them all out.**

 **It was really hard for me to write this week and I wasn't sure about even updating them at all. My college professor for Creative Writing completely trashed my work last week and I was 100% crushed. I put my heart and soul into my writing and I cried for two days after what he had to say about my piece of Fiction. It's you guys that kept me going this time.**

 **Don't forget to let me know what you think because that's really important to me. Just do me a favor and try not to be a dick like my college professor. Reviews on this story are incredibly motivating because it's a little hard to write.**

 **Otherwise, enjoy this update.**

 **Characters belong to Cassie Clare.**

 **Clary POV**

"OMG, your baby belly is too cute," the cashier said while Izzy and I were trying to pick up some baby stuff.

"Thanks," I say with the fakest smile I can manage.

 _This belly is ruining my body._

"You're like, twelve," the next person said with a prissy ass face.

 _Seventeen._

"You shouldn't be carrying all those bags by yourself, you're going to overdue it," the old lady yelled at us in the parking lot.

 _I'm not going to fucking break myself by carrying my own bags._

"Calm down, Clary," Izzy said pulling me out of my inner bitching.

"I'm fine," I say putting some stuff in the back of her car.

"It's written all over your face that you're not."

Once we were seated in her car and she turned the air on, I let out a deep breath.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" she asked pulling the car out to head back to her place. We've been setting up a spare room there as a nursery because Maryse and Robert didn't want us to have to share a room with the baby. _You'll want a few minutes to yourself,_ Maryse said happily.

"You wouldn't understand," I said putting my hand to my head so I could lay on it.

"We could still try," she shrugged stubbornly. "Maybe I can help."

"I just don't want to hear how _magical_ having a baby is. I don't want to hear how _cute_ my belly is because it's ruining my body. I don't want to hear how _young_ I am because it's only a reminder that my life is over," I said and I could see her loosing the happy mood we had going.

"You shouldn't be ashamed of your body, darling, you're having a baby-."

"That doesn't change the fact that my body won't be the same," I interrupted. "I'll have stretch marks, it will look gross, I might even have a scar."

"It won't change that you're beautiful," she argued. I just shook my head.

"Yes, it does," I mumbled. "I will maybe never be as beautiful as I was."

"Have you talked to Jace about how you're feeling?" she questioned.

"You know I haven't," I spat kind of harshly.

"How else is he supposed to know what you're going through? He could help you-."

"Help me what?" I interrupted again. "I don't hate my baby, I hate my body, there's a difference," I finished. She looked strange with a sad look in her eyes but we both knew the argument was over.

"Don't get up, I'll have Jace take a break from helping Max so you don't have to carry all of this baby stuff inside," she demanded. I sat still as her phone rang and she repeated the words.

A moment later, Jace was walking through the front door to help us with the bags. He opened my door and greeted me with a kiss.

"Did you have fun?" he asked happily.

"Yup," I said letting him help me out of the car. I went straight for the front door but I could still hear Izzy for another moment.

"Is everything okay?" he asks her.

"She's self-conscious about her body."

"That's ridiculous she's having-."

"She's eight months pregnant, Jace," Izzy scolded. "And she's having a hard time adjusting."

I let the door swing closed behind me because I didn't want any part of that conversation. I knew he was going to track me down in a moment and have a million questions waiting for me. I was honestly just exhausted and really wanted a hot shower.

"Clary," Max said greeting us at the door with a hug.

"Max," I said trying to be as excited about a hug as he was. He had a Manga story in his hands and a smile that stretched for miles. _I remember being that happy._

"How's my nephew?" he said putting his pointer finger to my belly. I laughed and bent down to his level.

"He's great."

"I can't wait to meet him," he said jumping up and down. "And mom and dad are coming home for a couple of months so they can help out and spend time with us and Dalton."

"That's incredible," I said.

"Everyone's so excited," he kept going. I realized that I haven't really spent a lot of time with the youngest Lightwood.

The front door opened behind us and Max ran up to help Izzy with a box she was struggling with. Jace walked around us with a dozen bags of his own so he could take them upstairs.

"What all did you buy, Izzy," Max says laughing at the number of sacks.

"He needed a wardrobe," she defended. "He needed special lotion to help him sleep, special nighttime diapers, we found a couple of toys. OH! And we found a Micky Mouse chair with a tray that he can sit at for meals when he can sit up on his own."

I zoned out for the rest of the list when Jace came back downstairs. "Hey," I greeted him properly.

"Hey," he said putting a hand on my belly so he could greet my belly too.

"How's our guy?" he asked with a faded smile.

"Great," I answered honestly.

"How are you?"

This time I struggled to answer. He obviously noticed.

"I think I just want to go spend some time setting up the nursery. Your parents and Izzy think he needs his own suite," I said trying to wear a good smile.

"I'll help," he said taking my hand so we could go upstairs.

The second we were alone I felt the fatigue sit in. It hits me like a brick sometimes and it's not always as bad as others. I sat down in the rocking chair we already picked out and tilted my head back.

 _I feel like 300 lbs._

 _I feel stupid._

 _I feel unattractive._

 _I feel-._

"Dammit, you're so beautiful, Clary," he said leaning down in front of me.

"Thanks," I said with my eyes closed. I knew he was being flattering but I was too tired to care now.

We obviously didn't get to working on the nursery or even going through the bags. I ended up taking a nap while Jace rubbed out my swollen feet. I have been so fortunate enough so far to not get swollen feet yet but with the weather getting nice again it's been hard to stay hydrated.

I didn't wake up until he was waking me up for dinner.

"I think," he said giving my hand a kiss and helping me stand up. "After dinner, we could just Netflix and Chill for the rest of the night?"

"You know that means sex, right?" I mocked at his attempt to be funny.

"Yes," he said bluntly. "But we could really just watch Netflix and cuddle for the rest of the night if you want."

"Do you not want to have sex with me anymore?" I asked. For a second, I thought he was going to be mad at me but his face evened out and he was pulling me close.

"No," he said and I felt my heart sink. He picked my chin back up so I had to look him in the eyes. "Of course, I want to have sex with you, but it's not like that." He looked like he was struggling to find the right words. "The last time I had sex with you, you lost your virginity and got pregnant. I just don't want to rush you."

I didn't really have anything to say, I didn't think he was going to answer like that.

"Do you not want to have sex anymore because you don't think you're beautiful?" he asked me this time.

"It's not like that," I said honestly this time. "I know I am beautiful." I had to search for the right way to say this so it didn't sound wrong. "I don't feel sexy. I don't feel like myself. I feel wrong."

Jace let out a breath and gave my fingers another kiss.

"Out of all of the things in the world that you could worry about," he starts and then stops so he could let out a little laugh. Not a mocking laugh, but like a sarcastic one. "You worry that you're not sexy." I shrugged but he didn't look like he was having it. "I could show you just how sexy you are, if you're up for it." I shrugged again.

Izzy was hollering up the stairs for us again that dinner was ready. It was my turn to let out a sarcastic laugh. "We should go."

"I'm serious, Clary," he said still holding my hand. He put his other hand to my cheek and rubbed circles on my face with his thumb. "You're my queen, and I will worship your body at any given moment if you wish it."

I could feel myself blush at his honesty. We haven't really talked about sex so far and I haven't felt good enough to desire it lately. Hearing him reassure me about my own body had a nice ring to it, I smiled for the first time in a long time without having to force it.

"I love you," I said planting a kiss on his lips.

"I love you, beautiful," he returned.

Izzy was screaming this time for us so we decided it was in our best interest to listen this time. She'll feel bad for rushing us after I tell her that we finally talked through this certain issue. I can even say I feel a little better knowing that he still feels the same about me. I guess I just assumed that since I didn't feel the same about myself, that no one else would either. I'm so happy that I was wrong.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

 **Hey guys, you'll be thrilled to see that I finished another chapter. This story is about half way done now and I can't wait to finish this. I have a new story up, Breaking through, it's a zombie story so go check that out.**

 **There weren't any reviews from the last chapter, so don't forget to review. No reviews mean I will probably end this story sooner than later. So, don't forget to review, you have been warned.**

 **This story is rated M.**

 **Characters belong to Cassie Clare.**

 **Clary POV**

"How are you feeling, Clary?" Doctor B asks me again. I lay my head back against the bed and close my eyes. She is currently checking to see if I have dilated yet.

"I feel like I am tired of people asking me how I am feeling," I comment back. She lets out a short laugh and removes the gloves from her hands.

"I know how you feel, sweetheart," she says now taking a seat next to me on the bed. "I meant, how are you really, really, feeling? You're about to have this baby, and soon. Have you guys prepared?"

"Yes," I answer simply. She keeps looking at me.

"And are you still coping with your pregnancy, with the changes your body took?" She's looking at me like she already knows my answer. It makes me feel vulnerable and weird.

"As best I can," I mumble.

"It's nothing to be ashamed of," she says taking a glance at her clip board.

"You said that before." I discretely roll my eyes and try and play with the end of the gown I'm wearing.

"And I'll say it again," she says more sternly this time.

"You are beautiful, your baby will be beautiful, your relationship with Jace is going beautifully," she pauses and I let her hold my hand for a second. "Your mom is supportive, and Jace's family have been more than helpful so far. I guess, what I am trying to ask is, is there a reason that you're still weary of your situation?"

I thought about it for a long minute before I came to my own conclusion. I shook my head at the simplicity of it, it even surprised me. "I used to be small." I mumbled knowing that I was going to have to elaborate. "I had friends, I was a cheerleader, I was in shape – I was a child." I held back the change in my voice and took a breath before letting myself finish. "It doesn't feel real yet. I had control of my life, and now I don't."

"I know it's scary, but you're not alone either," she says with a soothing smile on her face. "Jace probably feels the same way. It's completely nerve wracking to change your life for someone else."

The door opened again and I saw someone step through from the corner of my eye.

"Maryse," she says and my head automatically flips around. "I'll give you a minute while I submit the last of my notes into the system."

"I thought Jace was coming," I said trying to sound natural. I don't spend a lot of time with Maryse but she's done so much for us.

"I sent him for a last-minute baby supply run," she said taking the chair by the wall across from me. "Is everything alright?"

"Just fine," I said trying to smile as positively as I could.

"Not with the baby, darling, you. Are you doing okay?" she said like it was obvious.

"I'm hanging in there," I said slightly more honest this time.

"That will work," she said nodding to me. "To be honest, I was completely wrecked when I was having Alec, scared shitless even."

I let out a real smile. She obviously noticed because she lighted up a bit and smiled back.

"I can take you home, Isabelle has been organizing the nursery non-stop since this morning." I don't know why but I found humor in watching Izzy change her mind more times than I can change my mind about what I want to eat. It's a baby, not the queen of England. Although with Izzy, it's all the same to her.

There was a nock on the door and Doctor B joined us again. This time with an assistant at her side.

"Is everything alight?" Maryse asked for me.

"Yes," she said less sure than she was before. I gave her the same look I am sure Maryse is giving her right now. "You're at 3 centimeters, Clary," she said but I didn't know what she meant. "Dilated. Have you been having any pain or cramps?"

"Barely," I answered honestly. "I only feel them early in the mornings or when I'm in the car."

"You need to come back here at the end of this week," she said writing a not for me on her clip board. "You are already 9 months and 2 weeks along," she said like it was obvious. I saw Maryse stand up and put her hands on her hips. _What?_ She looks up now and is looking at me directly. "You need to be more careful. Stressing yourself the wrong way could trigger contractions or your water to break. You are in the last two weeks now so if you go into labor, that's it, it's happening."

I couldn't exactly find the words to say right now so I settled for nodding in return.

"We'll be ready, Doc," Maryse says taking the note and handshaking goodbye.

"I have put together your packet now, just in case anything happens early," she says handing Maryse the folder too. "It has all of the hospital info in there and the specifics on what you will need and what will happen."

"Thank you," I managed this time.

By the time everyone exited the room and I got changed, I was exhausted. It's only three in the afternoon and I am already exhausted. I put a hand to my belly where I have been feeling kicks recently and grabbed my purse to leave.

 _I got this._

 _I can do this._

 _This is happening._

 _I got this._

"I thought we were going home," I said noticing that Maryse was driving in the wrong direction to go home.

"We will be, after a couple of stops." I could tell she was trying to smooth over a smile but I saw it, she's trying to hide something. I gave her a look and she let out a grin. "I just thought you might enjoy a pedicure with me."

"I thought I couldn't be around the smell from the chemicals," I said trying to still sound grateful.

"Oh, honey. One hour of pampering is not going to harm the baby," she says putting the car in park. I looked in front of me and noticed we had parked in front of the fancy nail salon across town. "It will help to relax, you heard the doctor."

I smiled again without having to force it through. Today's been pretty good so far.

Jace POV

"Dude, take a breath," I heard Alec say from behind me.

"I'm alright," I say before moving a couple more sacks around the nursery.

"Well I am going to take a break," he said pushing the door further open. "Because I'm tired, and you're going to take a break because I told you too."

We made it down the stairs before Izzy was greeting us with more baby sacks from Babies R Us. Alec grunted and I internally cringed at the work we still had left to do.

"We're breaking, Iz," Alec said leading us to the kitchen.

She followed without a snarky remark with I thought was abnormal but I enjoyed the temporary silence.

"We're so close to being done," she said excitedly taking out bottles of water out for us.

We were all sweating at this point because the weather was getting really hot out lately. Who knew that the beginning of May could get so humid?

"Mom just texted," she said fanning her face for a second with her hand. "They're home."


End file.
